My Struggles and Gods redemptive work

SOOO!! Where should I begin? Well I guess I will start with the ROOT it seemed all my sinful tendencies stemmed from. INSECURITIES!! For as long as I could remember I struggled with the feeling of being inadequate. This feeling of being inferior or less than caused me to strive and work for the love of others, and when I would fail the confidence I thought I had would vanish. So in this pursuit to be loved and accepted I found myself living a sinful life, hiding it from those who were closest. My insecurities in relationships caused me to struggle with trust, to me my constant thought would be "Why would someone be with me, it must be something behind it". So when I encountered those who probably genuinely loved me it was hard for me to accept it, because I could not understand fully why someone would love "ORREN". My insecurities also displayed itself in another way, in order to prove to myself, family, and friends; in relationships I would try to prove my masculinity by having sex. In my insecurities I would pursue relationship after relationship, finding comfort and my identity in them.I lost many friends because instead of seeing their own sin they viewed mine as "greater" and wanted nothing to do with me. Instead of knowing my identity that was wrapped in the person of Christ I turned selfishly to women making them idols, serving them as God. In this pursuit I objectified women and because of that I lacked self-control and could not keep my hands to myself. So to these women who viewed me as a man who loved God and hated sin a different picture was painted. I know I had hurt those I had built intimate relationships with because they knew me on a personal level and noticed the double life I lived in. I would one day be holding small groups and the next min trying my best to maintain this beautiful image I had created before men. On twitter and facebook I was able to say "deep stuff", also able to engage in great conversations and hold my own. However, I lived a life addicted to porn, and sexual immorality, my life was driven by lust and I would do anything to fulfill my selfishness. So if that meant a relationship, I would appear "Holy" for a couple weeks but after that the real ORREN would come out. I couldn't keep up the great act I performed before an great audience. SELFISH, PRIDEFUL, LIAR AND VERY PIOUS was how I would describe ORREN. I lived and sometimes still live for the praise of men to be accepted and found as worth something. This is a guy who grew up in church, knew church lingo and how to "fake it until I made it". I knew what repentance was, I know the redemptive work of Christ and what that meant for me, but the lifestyle that should follow never seemed to appear. In this sin I practiced God remained and remains faithful to provide Grace when I lack strength to live a life that is set apart. I am a broken man, with a long list of sin but when Christ really saved me and continues to save me from my old nature, I am seeing constant fruit being bore (the fruit not coming as fast as I would like though lol). I still struggle with lust, I still find myself viewing women as my source of pleasure, but in those moments the God of universe is shaping and molding me by his word. I know how selfish i can be and I also know that when I am weak I can rely on the strength of Christ. I am living for a audience of one, my life is not a life seeking to be liked or loved but I am already those things because of the finish work of Christ. To those I might have offended or even hurt because this fallen man I wrestle with, I ask for forgiveness and ask for your prayer and for you to extend grace when I fall short. I no longer want to live as a punchline Christian who says deep things for twitter RT OR facebook LIKES but I live with this in mind. That "Christ is most glorified in me, when I am most satisfied in him". Pray for your brother I struggle and sometimes I fall but I am a guy who really loves God and want to live for him.

SEX!!! our way or GODS WAY

SEX!! Is probably one of the most fulfilling and gratifying pleasures on earth. Sex emotionally connects two people in a way that builds intimacy and deeper relationships. In our culture sex is saw as "hit it, then leave it" and in our churches sex is rarely talked about because its almost the "elephant in the room". So here we have two unhealthy views of how sex was intended and both lead to bondage. In the beginning God created Adam and Eve in perfect unity to enjoy sex with one another for life. In the original creation sex was not made for us to have multiple partners in order to gratify ourselves. Sex was for the pleasure of the other individual, where we satisfy our husbands or wives needs to build a long lasting relationship. Sex however has turned into a buffet where we choose based on the variety offered. We do as we wish objectifying the other individual, with no regard for emotional or mental state of the other party. In our churches sex is looked at as gross, never to be talked about, condemning those who have legit concerns about SEX. God made sex as wonderful and to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage. It is something not to be frowned upon nor indulged in outside of the proper context. Sex in my life has had profound effects on my view on women and has destroyed relationships that were once fruitful. While I indulged and enjoyed sex in "relationships" I found myself hurt and creating a deadly pattern. Sex had became my only motivation for relationships and because of those motives I was in relationships longer because sex has a way of keeping you involved way longer than you intend. It bruised my psyche and insecurities were built and it was extremely hard to trust myself or the other individual. Scientifically sex produces dopamine, which we find enjoyment or reward, which also cause addictive behavior if dopamine levels are too high. So recreational sex is dangerous because it destroys rationality and we will do whatever it takes to find that pleasure again, just like a drug addict.

1 Thessalonians 4 rocked me after reading again and saw that one who shows no control with natural sexual desires lacks self-control and could be compared to a wild animal.

 For this is the will of God, iyour sanctification:2 jthat you abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each one of you know how to control his own kbody3 in holiness and lhonor, 5 not in mthe passion of lust nlike the Gentiles owho do not know God; 6 that no one transgress and pwrong his brother in this matter,

I have saw that when I choose to break Gods laws concerning sex, there are consequences and it is an uphill battle to gain the right perspective again. All throughout scripture you see people who misused the gift of sex and suffered because of their disobedience from 23,000 people dying because of sexual immorality to a deeper perversion and having sexual desires towards the same sex. If you are saved by grace through faith, through the sacrifice of Christ and his resurrection, we have become his temple. This means our bodies are no longer our own to do whatever we please but to be used to glorify God with them. Sex is great,beautiful and enjoyable but only in marriage can we have the full range of Gods blessings and do it without the guilt and shame that stemmed from the fall. Trust God for your mate, our inability to wait is a a lack of trust and therefore our unbelief leads to more sin. Just because you have sex with an individual doesn't mean you love and individual and just because you wanna wait doesn't mean you do not love an individual. If a person can't respect your boundaries for sex, leave because they don't respect you. If you are single and feeling loneliness trust Gods provision for a future mate and if you are married use it not to abuse your mate. I have failed numerous times and I am still facing consequences but freedom I know will come and you can stay sexual pure.