My Struggles and Gods redemptive work

SOOO!! Where should I begin? Well I guess I will start with the ROOT it seemed all my sinful tendencies stemmed from. INSECURITIES!! For as long as I could remember I struggled with the feeling of being inadequate. This feeling of being inferior or less than caused me to strive and work for the love of others, and when I would fail the confidence I thought I had would vanish. So in this pursuit to be loved and accepted I found myself living a sinful life, hiding it from those who were closest. My insecurities in relationships caused me to struggle with trust, to me my constant thought would be "Why would someone be with me, it must be something behind it". So when I encountered those who probably genuinely loved me it was hard for me to accept it, because I could not understand fully why someone would love "ORREN". My insecurities also displayed itself in another way, in order to prove to myself, family, and friends; in relationships I would try to prove my masculinity by having sex. In my insecurities I would pursue relationship after relationship, finding comfort and my identity in them.I lost many friends because instead of seeing their own sin they viewed mine as "greater" and wanted nothing to do with me. Instead of knowing my identity that was wrapped in the person of Christ I turned selfishly to women making them idols, serving them as God. In this pursuit I objectified women and because of that I lacked self-control and could not keep my hands to myself. So to these women who viewed me as a man who loved God and hated sin a different picture was painted. I know I had hurt those I had built intimate relationships with because they knew me on a personal level and noticed the double life I lived in. I would one day be holding small groups and the next min trying my best to maintain this beautiful image I had created before men. On twitter and facebook I was able to say "deep stuff", also able to engage in great conversations and hold my own. However, I lived a life addicted to porn, and sexual immorality, my life was driven by lust and I would do anything to fulfill my selfishness. So if that meant a relationship, I would appear "Holy" for a couple weeks but after that the real ORREN would come out. I couldn't keep up the great act I performed before an great audience. SELFISH, PRIDEFUL, LIAR AND VERY PIOUS was how I would describe ORREN. I lived and sometimes still live for the praise of men to be accepted and found as worth something. This is a guy who grew up in church, knew church lingo and how to "fake it until I made it". I knew what repentance was, I know the redemptive work of Christ and what that meant for me, but the lifestyle that should follow never seemed to appear. In this sin I practiced God remained and remains faithful to provide Grace when I lack strength to live a life that is set apart. I am a broken man, with a long list of sin but when Christ really saved me and continues to save me from my old nature, I am seeing constant fruit being bore (the fruit not coming as fast as I would like though lol). I still struggle with lust, I still find myself viewing women as my source of pleasure, but in those moments the God of universe is shaping and molding me by his word. I know how selfish i can be and I also know that when I am weak I can rely on the strength of Christ. I am living for a audience of one, my life is not a life seeking to be liked or loved but I am already those things because of the finish work of Christ. To those I might have offended or even hurt because this fallen man I wrestle with, I ask for forgiveness and ask for your prayer and for you to extend grace when I fall short. I no longer want to live as a punchline Christian who says deep things for twitter RT OR facebook LIKES but I live with this in mind. That "Christ is most glorified in me, when I am most satisfied in him". Pray for your brother I struggle and sometimes I fall but I am a guy who really loves God and want to live for him.